I should be working

I don't even know where to start.
I feel so fucking alone. How can I have this connection with someone and still feel like we don't have one?

I feel like I don't deserve anyone. I feel like no one understands. I feel like the bad thing that happens to everyone.

I know no one's reading. I know things won't change.
I deleted everything in this blog about her, well some things.

I found funny how I said that I wouldn't give myself to someone ever again. That it is too much and a waste of time.
I love this guy and I can't imagine my life without him now.

But I still feel like we are miles away from each other.

I want to be someone's priority. I want someone that is always there for me, someone that understands me and wants to do everything with me. Someone that always thinks about me without me having to ask. Someone that is not afraid of being with me.
I want someone that would fight for me because they are afraid to lose me, that would defend me because they believe in me.
And I feel like an idiot for wanting those things. I feel like I should be grateful, like I've been given enough but I still feel alone. I'm really sorry.

I feel like he enjoys everything else but spending time with me. Like he prefers doing anything else than being with me.

I wanna go out on dates and do things with him, but he is always tired.
Anyway, I'll go cry a bit and then continue working, I guess.

Hope someone cared, but no one does, and if they do, they don't understand. So I'm alone even if I'm surrounded by a lot of people.